While down in Oxnard/Camarillo recently, I was able to spend a night with my pal Kathleen Marie Felicity Spink at her fabulous new condo. Katie just got a new puppy--a shih poo named Bella (yes, a Twilight reference)--and before we pulled into her garage, she said to me "okay, I know you're not a big animal person, but if you don't like my puppy, you seriously have no soul."
Apparently, I have a soul, because her little guy was so cute that now I am obsessed and I want one of my own. Observe:
I've been keeping tabs on funny conversations that I have overheard and/or partaken of in the recent months and thought I'd share a few, along with, in some cases, pictures or links to accompany them. Enjoy!
My gay friend Gio, on Kenneth Parcell from 30 Rock:
Gio: Why do they make him look so gay? I mean, look at the colors they put him in! Salmon? Bright green? ... oh crap, I think that might have actually been the gayest thing I've ever said. me: Oh, the irony.
On our respective recent trips to Santa Cruz:
Stephanie: it was lovely. we ate cottage cheese and sausages and sandwiches on the board walk (packed our lunches) and cooked breakfast in the room in the morning very danielle and steph me: whereas when jen and i went, we drank margaritas on the beach, and went to brunch with bloody marys the next morning very jen and loreal
And along those lines... On starting a blog:
me: can we start a blog? i think we are both pretty funny and interesting people let's pick a funny and interesting topic and blog about it Jen: great idea! we'll have to get drunk and then brainstorm ;) me: haha ok, good idea - like all the great writers Jen: haha - right me: fitzgerald, hemingway, faulkner Jen: all drunks me: exactly! it's our destiny
Texting with my sister, who lives in LA, late one night:
me: Good night, love you Randie: love you too. Can u bring me a bean n cheese no onions? me: um, i live in SF Randie: oh yeah. nevermind.
A random IM conversation:
me: RAWWWWRRRRR what's that from? Jen: david at the dentist? me: YES!
On the Del Taco drive-thru employee late one night:
Katie: Look at her -- she's hardcore. She has a tat on her neck and everything. me: How hardcore can she be wearing a fluorescent green shirt? At the drive thru? At Del Taco? At 2am?
While strolling down Santana Row:
me: See that restaurant called Straits? That's where I was the night I got wasted, puked, and kissed a girl for the first time. Katie: At Straits? me: yep. Katie: Wait... so you turned gay at a place called Straits?
When I was in high school and college, I was really good friends with this guy P. Then a couple years ago, I became crappy about staying in contact and didn't return a few of his calls. Eventually, we ended up falling out of touch.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a dream that he died. So the next day, I decided it was high-time I email him. I wrote him the following email:
Hey P, I'm not even sure if you still have this email address, but I had a really weird dream about you last night and wanted to get back in touch. Sorry I became so shitty about calling and that I went MIA all this time. I miss you and you've been in my thoughts lately and I'd love to hear what you're up to, and maybe even get together the next time I'm in So Cal. Or better yet, have you come visit me in SF :)
My cell phone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx, so get in touch when you can! Hope your family is doing well and that you are happy and still coaching.
Love, LL
I didn't hear from him until a couple of days ago. And this is the email I got (Sorry in advance for the profanities.):
i jus wanted to tell u to fuck off! stop sending me emails. dont give a fuck whats goin on wit you. i have a fam. already.
I was floored. Definitely *not* the email I expected to get from him! I mean, can you imagine getting an email like that from an old friend?
Then, a little while later, this email came through:
Loved to hear from you. Obviously, there is lots to talk about. It's just my bitch is crazy. I wish I were cheating. Sorry you had to hear from her before me. Use this account and we will have no more problems. Can you send your number again? Looking forward to hearing all about your travels and experiences. -P
This is one of my favorite stories from M and J's beautiful Bodega Bay wedding last weekend. Midway through dinner at the reception, Jen, Erin and I were all thoroughly enjoying our wine. And so naturally, when the DJ played Taylor Swift's Love Story, we all busted out our fake microphones and belted it out, gesticulating wildly. Yes, at the dinner table. At a wedding reception. Classic and classy. (Really, the question is, how was everyone else *not* doing the same thing?)
Anyway, a few hours later, when I'd forgotten all about our Taylor Swift sing-along, I step off the dance floor for a brief respite, and this woman comes up to me and the following conversation ensues:
Woman: Oh, so you like Taylor Swift? Me: Umm... yes? I'm Loreal, by the way. Woman: Oh, hi, nice to meet you. Yeah, I saw you singing Taylor Swift during dinner. Me: Oh yeah, there was actually a group of us singing. We love that song. Woman: Oh really? I only saw you. Me: Hah... *awkward silence*
Overall, it was a very fun weekend. And my biggest contribution was starting the world's greatest conga line. See photographic proof below. Oh, and a few other cute ones from the weekend are here, as well.
On Saturday, Jen and I went downtown to go shopping for outfits to wear to an upcoming wedding. Overall, it was a fun (and successful!) shopping outing. But perhaps the highlight of the day was while we were rummaging through a bargain bin at Old Navy in search of V-neck t-shirts. (They were only $4!)
Two other women had the same idea as us, and as we four each made our way through the piles of fabric that lay before us, one woman -- a petite, non-Englsh-speaking Asian woman -- suddenly sneezed. And did NOT cover her mouth.
Jen and I were obviously quite grossed out by this and we even made eye contact disgustedly. But we were apparently not as affected as the fourth woman at the V-neck bargain bin -- one short, stout, and LOUD African American woman who suddenly barked at the sneezer, saying, "DID YOU COVER YO' MOUF WHEN YOU JUST DUN AND SNEEZED?"
The sneezer just stood there, silently and sheepishly. She obviously could not understand what was being said to her, but clearly knew that she was being scolded.
"I know you didn't, girl, because I jus felt that wind on the back of muh NECK!"
The sneezer walked away briskly to another part of the store as the scolder continued to pick up shirts from the bin, shaking her head. "That is just NASTY!" she continued. "Germs all up in here! No no NO!"
I turned around so she couldn't see me and giggled. Jen piped up and said, "I agree with you." Nice, Jen.
About fifteen minutes later, as we were leaving, we again heard the voice of the scolder a few aisles over yelling at her son, who looked to be about 10. "BOY, if you don't STOP ALLLLL DAT, I'ma hafta sock you to da GROUNNNDD!"
I never found a V-neck T-shirt in my size, unfortunately. But I suppose it was worth it since I got some good new lines to quote for the rest of the week. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've used the "I'ma hafta sock you to da GROUNNNDD" line about 97 times already.
This is a plug for my dear friend Haley's blog. Haley Sweetland Edwards is one of my best friends from way back. She just graduated from Columbia Journalism School and is currently traveling and reporting with the help of several International Reporting fellowships. She's living in Yemen, in a beautiful, old city called Sana'a.
Haley and I went to college a couple of hours from each other -- she was in New Haven and I was in Boston -- so in addition to sharing loads of hilarious high school memories, we also share quite a few college ones. And I think she would agree that our best memories surround the annual Harvard/Yale football game, which we attended each year. (I was always an honorary Yalie with Haley and her Yale crew. Boo Harvard!) Below is a picture of us (chugging cheap beer out of plastic cups, of course) at a tailgate our sophomore year of college, in November of 2002. (Note the blond streak in my hair. I thought I was *so* badass.)
We were the only of our friends to venture to the icy Northeast for college, and at the time, we both thought we were so far away from our Southern California homes. It's crazy to think that she is living on the other side of the world now.
Anyway, I digress. The real point of this post is to tell you that you should watch out for her stories in the headlines -- she just wrote two articles for the LA Times -- and you should also read about her adventures at www.sanaabureau.wordpress.com, which she describes as being part travel diary and part photo-blog.
