My Little Red Badge of Courage

2009-12-04T14:16:00.000-08:00

Fall in Sonoma

Spent a great weekend in Sonoma a few weeks ago. I hope to be spending even more time there in the future...

2009-12-04T10:07:00.000-08:00

If you don't like my puppy, you have no soul

While down in Oxnard/Camarillo recently, I was able to spend a night with my pal Kathleen Marie Felicity Spink at her fabulous new condo. Katie just got a new puppy--a shih poo named Bella (yes, a Twilight reference)--and before we pulled into her garage, she said to me "okay, I know you're not a big animal person, but if you don't like my puppy, you seriously have no soul."

Apparently, I have a soul, because her little guy was so cute that now I am obsessed and I want one of my own. Observe:

2009-12-03T15:47:00.000-08:00

Funny Conversations

I've been keeping tabs on funny conversations that I have overheard and/or partaken of in the recent months and thought I'd share a few, along with, in some cases, pictures or links to accompany them. Enjoy!

My gay friend Gio, on Kenneth Parcell from 30 Rock:

Gio: Why do they make him look so gay? I mean, look at the colors they put him in! Salmon? Bright green? ... oh crap, I think that might have actually been the gayest thing I've ever said.
me: Oh, the irony.

On our respective recent trips to Santa Cruz:

Stephanie: it was lovely. we ate cottage cheese and sausages and sandwiches on the board walk (packed our lunches) and cooked breakfast in the room in the morning
very danielle and steph
me: whereas when jen and i went, we drank margaritas on the beach, and went to brunch with bloody marys the next morning
very jen and loreal

And along those lines...
On starting a blog:

me: can we start a blog?
i think we are both pretty funny and interesting people
let's pick a funny and interesting topic and blog about it
Jen: great idea! we'll have to get drunk and then brainstorm ;)
me: haha ok, good idea - like all the great writers
Jen: haha - right
me: fitzgerald, hemingway, faulkner
Jen: all drunks
me: exactly! it's our destiny

NPR Article: Great American Writers and Their Cocktails

Texting with my sister, who lives in LA, late one night:

me: Good night, love you
Randie: love you too. Can u bring me a bean n cheese no onions?
me: um, i live in SF
Randie: oh yeah. nevermind.

A random IM conversation:

me: RAWWWWRRRRR
what's that from?
Jen: david at the dentist?
me: YES!

On the Del Taco drive-thru employee late one night:

Katie: Look at her -- she's hardcore. She has a tat on her neck and everything.
me: How hardcore can she be wearing a fluorescent green shirt? At the drive thru? At Del Taco? At 2am?

While strolling down Santana Row:

me: See that restaurant called Straits? That's where I was the night I got wasted, puked, and kissed a girl for the first time.
Katie: At Straits?
me: yep.
Katie: Wait... so you turned gay at a place called Straits?

2009-10-30T13:28:00.000-07:00

Bitches, Man

When I was in high school and college, I was really good friends with this guy P. Then a couple years ago, I became crappy about staying in contact and didn't return a few of his calls. Eventually, we ended up falling out of touch.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a dream that he died. So the next day, I decided it was high-time I email him. I wrote him the following email:

Hey P, I'm not even sure if you still have this email address, but I had a really weird dream about you last night and wanted to get back in touch. Sorry I became so shitty about calling and that I went MIA all this time. I miss you and you've been in my thoughts lately and I'd love to hear what you're up to, and maybe even get together the next time I'm in So Cal. Or better yet, have you come visit me in SF :)

My cell phone number is xxx-xxx-xxxx, so get in touch when you can! Hope your family is doing well and that you are happy and still coaching.

Love,
LL

I didn't hear from him until a couple of days ago. And this is the email I got (Sorry in advance for the profanities.):

i jus wanted to tell u to fuck off! stop sending me emails. dont give a fuck whats goin on wit you. i have a fam. already.

I was floored. Definitely *not* the email I expected to get from him! I mean, can you imagine getting an email like that from an old friend?

Then, a little while later, this email came through:

Loved to hear from you. Obviously, there is lots to talk about. It's just my bitch is crazy. I wish I were cheating. Sorry you had to hear from her before me. Use this account and we will have no more problems. Can you send your number again? Looking forward to hearing all about your travels and experiences.
-P

What?!? Hah!

And the moral of this story is: bitches, man.

2009-10-13T12:50:00.000-07:00

Fleet Week 2009

2009-10-13T11:33:00.001-07:00

Oh, so you like Taylor Swift?

This is one of my favorite stories from M and J's beautiful Bodega Bay wedding last weekend. Midway through dinner at the reception, Jen, Erin and I were all thoroughly enjoying our wine. And so naturally, when the DJ played Taylor Swift's Love Story, we all busted out our fake microphones and belted it out, gesticulating wildly. Yes, at the dinner table. At a wedding reception. Classic and classy. (Really, the question is, how was everyone else *not* doing the same thing?)

Anyway, a few hours later, when I'd forgotten all about our Taylor Swift sing-along, I step off the dance floor for a brief respite, and this woman comes up to me and the following conversation ensues:

Woman: Oh, so you like Taylor Swift?
Me: Umm... yes? I'm Loreal, by the way.
Woman: Oh, hi, nice to meet you. Yeah, I saw you singing Taylor Swift during dinner.
Me: Oh yeah, there was actually a group of us singing. We love that song.
Woman: Oh really? I only saw you.
Me: Hah... *awkward silence*

Overall, it was a very fun weekend. And my biggest contribution was starting the world's greatest conga line. See photographic proof below. Oh, and a few other cute ones from the weekend are here, as well.

2009-09-22T12:40:00.000-07:00

First Day of Fall

l(a
le
af
fa
ll
s)
one
l

iness

--e.e.cummings

2009-09-21T22:36:00.000-07:00

OMG Shopping!

On Saturday, Jen and I went downtown to go shopping for outfits to wear to an upcoming wedding. Overall, it was a fun (and successful!) shopping outing. But perhaps the highlight of the day was while we were rummaging through a bargain bin at Old Navy in search of V-neck t-shirts. (They were only $4!)

Two other women had the same idea as us, and as we four each made our way through the piles of fabric that lay before us, one woman -- a petite, non-Englsh-speaking Asian woman -- suddenly sneezed. And did NOT cover her mouth.

Jen and I were obviously quite grossed out by this and we even made eye contact disgustedly. But we were apparently not as affected as the fourth woman at the V-neck bargain bin -- one short, stout, and LOUD African American woman who suddenly barked at the sneezer, saying, "DID YOU COVER YO' MOUF WHEN YOU JUST DUN AND SNEEZED?"

The sneezer just stood there, silently and sheepishly. She obviously could not understand what was being said to her, but clearly knew that she was being scolded.

"I know you didn't, girl, because I jus felt that wind on the back of muh NECK!"

The sneezer walked away briskly to another part of the store as the scolder continued to pick up shirts from the bin, shaking her head. "That is just NASTY!" she continued. "Germs all up in here! No no NO!"

I turned around so she couldn't see me and giggled. Jen piped up and said, "I agree with you." Nice, Jen.

About fifteen minutes later, as we were leaving, we again heard the voice of the scolder a few aisles over yelling at her son, who looked to be about 10. "BOY, if you don't STOP ALLLLL DAT, I'ma hafta sock you to da GROUNNNDD!"

I never found a V-neck T-shirt in my size, unfortunately. But I suppose it was worth it since I got some good new lines to quote for the rest of the week. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've used the "I'ma hafta sock you to da GROUNNNDD" line about 97 times already.

2009-09-21T19:40:00.000-07:00

Yemen? Yeah, Man.

This is a plug for my dear friend Haley's blog. Haley Sweetland Edwards is one of my best friends from way back. She just graduated from Columbia Journalism School and is currently traveling and reporting with the help of several International Reporting fellowships. She's living in Yemen, in a beautiful, old city called Sana'a.

Haley and I went to college a couple of hours from each other -- she was in New Haven and I was in Boston -- so in addition to sharing loads of hilarious high school memories, we also share quite a few college ones. And I think she would agree that our best memories surround the annual Harvard/Yale football game, which we attended each year. (I was always an honorary Yalie with Haley and her Yale crew. Boo Harvard!) Below is a picture of us (chugging cheap beer out of plastic cups, of course) at a tailgate our sophomore year of college, in November of 2002. (Note the blond streak in my hair. I thought I was *so* badass.)

We were the only of our friends to venture to the icy Northeast for college, and at the time, we both thought we were so far away from our Southern California homes. It's crazy to think that she is living on the other side of the world now.

Anyway, I digress. The real point of this post is to tell you that you should watch out for her stories in the headlines -- she just wrote two articles for the LA Times -- and you should also read about her adventures at www.sanaabureau.wordpress.com, which she describes as being part travel diary and part photo-blog.

2009-07-30T23:03:00.000-07:00

Girl, I will cut you.

I'm obsessed with this skit right now. I can't stop quoting it.

2009-07-01T12:44:00.001-07:00

Pink Elephant and Battle of the Crostini: Russian River Girls Weekend

This past weekend my six best friends from high school came together from New York City, Seattle, San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Jose and Davis for a long overdue girls weekend. We rented a house in Russian River Valley and had the quintessential girls weekend. We're talking everything from pedicures to Steel Magnolias.

Here's a picture of us in high school, right before we all left for college: http://twitpic.com/8yxfa

And here's a picture of us (OMG in the *exact* same order) from this past weekend: http://twitpic.com/8yxiv

And here is a slideshow of the pictures from Katie's camera. (Mine--or Jen's, rather--unfortunately got lost somewhere between Point Reyes and my apartment. D'oh!)

2009-06-10T16:52:00.000-07:00

Hunky Jesus Contest, or, A Bunch of Sinners

I am way behind on updating, and don't have time for anything substantial right now, but wanted to post some pictures from Easter Sunday in Dolores Park, back in April. It was full of fun and irreverence, not least of which was the Hunky Jesus Contest. Featuring a pretty amazing Jesus look-alike--complete with "BRB" speech bubble shooting off the side of his crucifix--the contest was definitely a highlight. Other details from that day that are worth documenting photographically here (in order of appearance): gay men in thong easter bunny costumes; my shy, unshaved legs; and... god knows what.

2009-04-11T22:25:00.000-07:00

Awkward Story, Or, A Typical Loreal Anecdote
Originally posted Friday, June 18, 2004

Yesterday, Andrew and I met each other for lunch on our breaks. In order to meet him halfway, I have to walk over this bridge near the Boston Harbor, and then 2 more blocks. Anyway, on my way back from having lunch with him, I was crossing the bridge back to my office, when I noticed someone coming up behind me.

My work shoes hurt my feet, which causes me to walk slow sometimes. So as this guy was coming up behind me, I thought he was trying to pass me. I was kind of offended, because I'm super competitive and don't like being the one that people try to pass on the sidewalk. So instead of moving to the side and letting him pass, I started power-walking. I was even pumping my arms a little bit. I meant business. I was determined to beat this guy across the bridge.

To my surprise, once I started walking faster, so did the guy behind me. I was so pissed! I couldn't have walked any faster without moving into the realm of running, so I just gave up. After a few seconds, he was right next to me. I turned over to glare at him, and upon doing so, I realized who it was!!

It was the retarded guy from my work! He was coming back from lunch, too, and was trying to catch up with me so we could walk back together! And I was running away from him! I felt so bad! He has this really bad limp, and I was making him RUN to catch up with me!

I'm a horrible person.

2009-04-11T22:21:00.000-07:00

I happen to be very sophisticated, so just shut up
Originally posted Wednesday, May 5, 2004

Last night, I made myself dinner and then sat with Robbie and his friends Cate and Lizzie to watch the final episode of Friends. While we were watching TV, we saw a commercial for the movie Mean Girls and I sheepishly expressed to them my strong desire to see it. Cate and Lizzie looked at me oddly, as though they didn't know whether or not I was being sarcastic.

I felt that I needed to somehow let them know that I was serious, and I also needed to let them know that those kinds of movies were not retarded, but in fact wonderful sources of entertainment. So instead of just dropping the subject and letting the awkwardness fade away, I piped up, saying:

"You guys--it's probably actually really funny. It has Lindsey Lohan, the same girl from The Parent Trap remake and Freaky Friday. Didn't you see Freaky Friday? It was soooo good. I have it on DVD." When I finished talking I was proud of myself for being honest and defending my occasional affinity for teen movies.

I looked over at them only to see them both make eye contact very obviously. Then Cate said "Omigod, she's serious!" and they both laughed out loud for a good few minutes.

I was kind of offended, so I finished my dinner, quickly and quietly, then ascended to my room where I listened to the Beauty and the Beast soundtrack and sang aloud to "Be Our Guest" a few times. It made me feel much better.

How dare they insinuate that I'm childish. Whatever.

2009-04-11T22:20:00.003-07:00

With Nothin' But A T-Shirt On
Originally posted Friday, April 23, 2004

I'm embarrassed to admit that I really like Jessica Simpson's new song. I've had it in my head all day. "I can let my hair down... I can say anything crazy, I know you'll catch me right before I hit the ground..." It's very catchy.

I think it's hilarious that she became so famous for being such a moron. (Not that her gorgeousness had anything to do with it). I mean, don't get me wrong--I love Newlyweds just as much as the next person. Her dimwitted antics never fail to make me laugh. I just think it's a little excessive to use her "Chicken of the Sea" and "buffalo wing" episodes as fodder for her career--in particular, their usage in her music video. In the video, there's a scene where she's dancing around holding a messy buffalo wing in each hand.

I'm sorry, Jess, but it is impossible for anyone--even you--to look cool when your dance partner is a buffalo wing.

Actually, I take that back. I could probably pull it off.

2009-04-11T22:00:00.000-07:00

Art and Patrick Swayze: A Recipe for Disaster
Originally posted Saturday, September 11, 2004

The cool thing about this semester is that I don't have any classes left to take for my major or minor, so I get to take fun classes. For example, I'm taking a wheel throwing class at the School of the Museum of Fine Arts. It's so fun! I made a fool out of myself the first day of class, though... oh boy.

So I already stick out like a sore thumb in the class, because I'm a "preppy" Tufts girl, (or at least it seems that way when you compare me to the rest of the pierced, hot pink haired, paint-splattered jean-wearing, art students in the class). Plus, I went to the first class straight from Boston magazine, and I was wearing a black pinstripe suit. Not the best attire for pottery. I got a few eye-rolls, that's for sure.

Anyway, to make matters worse, I took notes. For reals! I took notes in an art class! Our prof was talking about the different methods to sculpt, and I wrote them down. The other students looked appalled!

Then, our prof allowed us to take a stab at the wheel. I sat down, wet my hands, and began mold the slab of clay that sat before me. But instead of metamorphosing into a bowl or a vase, it became a wet pile of crap and chunks of it started to fly about the room and onto my new black suit pants. My professor had to run over and save me.

But the most embarrassing part of all was as the scene died down and everyone began to work intently on creating a masterpiece on the wheel. Suddenly, I thought of Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze in the movie Ghost and, as I smirked, I began to sing softly "Ohhhh, my looooove....my da-arrrrling...I've huunnn-gerrred for your touch...a long....lonely time....and tiiiiime....gooooooooes by....so sllllooooowwly..." (you get the idea). I expected people to at least smile at my ingenious movie reference, but instead I just got more eye-rolls! Lame.

Now that I've relived that embarrassing first art class via this blog, I think it's time for me to call it a night.

2009-04-11T21:42:00.000-07:00

Whatchu Gon' Do When They Come For You?
Originally posted Saturday, May 1, 2004

Andrew and I are subletting a room in an apartment from a Chinese guy who went home to Hong Kong for the summer. This morning we were moving our stuff in, when I noticed that there was a shelf in the room that still had some DVDs on it.

I walked over to browse through them and see if the guy had left anything good. But all of the movies were Chinese films, with Chinese character titles that I couldn't even read....

....except for one: Bad Boys II. Clearly.

2009-04-11T21:40:00.000-07:00

Eye of the Tiger
Originally posted Sunday, April 18, 2004

Today I went downtown to go shopping, not realizing that the city of Boston would be way overcrowded due to tomorrow's Marathon. On my way home, the T was crowded with people wearing blue "Boston Marathon" windbreakers. When I saw all of these people in their Marathon apparel, subconsciously, the Rocky Theme Song got stuck in my head.

I spaced out at this point and began to stare out the window. After a few minutes, I snapped back into reality and looked around. I noticed that everyone on the subway was staring at me and snickering.

Then I realized that I was loudly whistling the aforementioned song, and that I had been for the past few minutes.

2009-04-11T21:38:00.000-07:00

God Bless America
Originally posted Wednesday, March 01, 2006

I went to the post office on my lunch break yesterday. On my way back, I noticed an foreign woman--I think Eastern European--standing at a bus stop across the street. She was shouting loudly, so I stopped and cocked my head in her direction to listen. My goodness, she had quite a potty mouth! She was obscenely expressing anti-American sentiments, but directing these sentiments to passersby. At the moment that she and I made eye contact, I suddenly became the embodiment of the Americans that she despised. "Jesus slut!" she shouted. I turned and began to briskly walk toward my building, the woman's angry shouts bouncing off my back.

Just then, I passed a Bank of America, where a slight, dark, white-mustached Indian man (whose resemblance to Pagoda from The Royal Tenenbaums is uncanny) works as a security officer, standing guard at the entrance. Clad in a black police officerish uniform, complete with hat and badge, he never says a word when people pass; no, he merely tilts his head forward to acknowledge people's presence. As I passed by, the angry lady still shouting obscenities across the street, the man and I made eye contact. Then, he said, in a perfect American accent:

"That's a crazy bitch over there across the street, right?"

I smiled and said "Yeah, seriously!" And we both laughed, sharing a moment.

How on earth could that crazy foreign bitch have had ill feelings toward us awesome Americans?

2009-04-11T21:17:00.000-07:00

Resurrection?

I find it somewhat ironic that I sit here on the evening before Easter debating whether or not to resurrect my blog. In fact, the only reason I am writing this at all is because I asked myself, "WWJD." And clearly, Jesus would rise from the dead. So I realized that I should probably follow suit, via this electronic journal.

Despite what my previous post implied, I never started a friends-only blog; I stopped blogging all together, actually.

Over the past few weeks, though, because of the urging of friends, I have been toying with the idea of bringing it back. I'm still undecided as to whether or not this will be permanent, but I thought in the meantime I would re-post a few of my old entries. So stay tuned, because those are about to follow in a series of subsequent posts.

Happy Easter!

2006-06-09T14:07:00.000-07:00

Blogging: An Unnerving Addiction

For the past few years, I have kept a blog at Blogger. I also had a Sitemeter, so that I could keep track of my visitors. As the sitemeter's capabilities grew (I could find out exactly what company, city, and state people were logging in from; how they found the blog; and what exactly they read on the blog), I became more and more freaked out. I had started my blog primarily for the entertainment of myself and my friends, but evidently my blog had a pretty high google rating, and any number of everyday terms resulted in my good ol' bloggie popping up in the popular search engine.

To make matters worse, I read a few New York Times articles (Article #1, Article #2) on blogging. I encourage you to read them. They each tackle the blogging phenomenon, and the frightening ways in which complete and utter strangers can find out the intimate details of your life by simply reading your blog. I suppose this is something about which I should have been aware upon deciding to publicly air my thoughts on the world wide web, but I naively thought, "Who would want to read about my boring life?" The answer is, quite frankly, a lot of people. Including former boyfriends, schoolmates, professors, coworkers, bosses, etc etc etc. In a nutshell, uninvited visitors who made me feel uncomfortable. After reading the aforementioned articles, I started toying with the idea of deleting the old blog. Sure, we had had some good times together. But all good things come to an end, right? Still, I wavered.

It wasn't until last night at a get together with some friends (some of whom were also being stalked by random web surfers who were being directed to my blog), discussing this issue, that I finally caved and decided to take drastic measures: delete the thing.

But because I'm slightly addicted to blogging (and, for the life of me, I can't understand why. It's almost as if it's become a part of me. Wait, did I really just say that?), I decided to go on over to LiveJournal, where I can post privately. Now I can write the same old shit, but I get to choose who reads it. You have to sign up for a free account, though, and add me as a friend. I know, it's a hassle. But I'm sure some of you have nothing better to do, so just suck it up and do it.

And with that, I bid you farewell, anonymous internet stalkers. (And, I realize I'm not really one to talk when it comes to internet stalking. But at least I know the rules of how not to get caught! Ahem, google cache, anyone?)

It's been real, yo.